One aspect of becoming a parent is learning how to protect your kids from whatever comes their way. Within today’s changing technological world it can be hard to keep up with how to keep your kids safe. Today I am going to share some common aspects of how to protect your kids from pornography.
Why is it so important to protect them from pornography?
As a psychotherapist, I work with many men and women who have developed some type of sexual compulsion problem that is negatively affecting their work, family, and relationships. One of the most significant commonalities that I see with those who have sexual compulsion problems is early access to pornography. To learn more about sexual addiction and porn addiction by clicking here.
The Effects of Pornography
Below is a list of some statistics that show how pornography affects families and children. These facts are not stating if porn is good or bad. They are just some aspects of how pornography has impacted our everyday life
- According to the National Coalition for Protection of Children & Families, 47% of US families reported that pornography is a problem in their home.
- In 2015 56% of divorce attorneys report that obsessive amounts of internet porn usage are a significant factor in divorce cases.
- Most teens (71%) have hidden something they have done online from their parents.
- In one study of teenagers research found that the more often they sought out online porn they more likely they were to have a “recreational attitude towards sex. Specifically viewing sex as a purely physical function like eating or drinking. These researchers also found a relationship between porn use and feelings. Those who view online porn think that it wasn’t necessary to have affection for people to have sex with them.
- When youth are first exposed to pornography while their brains are still developing they are more susceptible to the chemical rush that comes with view pornography. This, in turn, creates pathways in the brain that might make it easier for them to get addicted.
- In 2008 a study reported at only 14.4% of boys were exposed to porn prior to age 13. By 2011 early exposure had jumped to 48.7%
All research is listed on attached resource listed below.
How To Protect Your Kids From Pornography
When it comes to protecting your kids of pornography, you can think of two different BUT equally essential parts. These two parts will have specific parts listed below, but they are insulation and communication. It is a balance as a parent to teach your children about sex, love, respect for women and men. If you just insulate your children from pornography, you could have it become the forbidden fruit that they seek out. When working with clients who have sexual addiction most state that they had a friend first expose them to pornography. You must focus on insulating your children from the outside influences but communicate why this is important to your family.
Protecting your kids from pornography does not start when they start puberty, it starts before they are born. How do you talk about sex with your partner? What are your morals when it comes to sex and love? What is the difference between love, sex, lust, and intimacy? How do you view objectified bodies? These are just some of the questions you should be able to talk about with your partner. If you have other thoughts or suggestions, please leave a commit below.
Protect Your Kids From Pornography – Communication
Don’t Shame Your Kids – If they have been seeking out pornography, it is because they are expressing curiosity and sexual exploration. Finding that your child has been using porn is a chance to have deep conversations. Most compulsive porn behaviors turn to porn to deal with boredom, sexual frustration, and stress. Learn what your child is curious about then educate them. Along with teaching them a healthier alternative for coping with boredom, sexual frustration, and stress.
Talk about Sex – Be able to talk to your children about all types of sex. Answer their questions at an age-appropriate level. You get to control the conversation, so make sure you respectfully talk about sex. Using anatomically correct terms, and correcting slang terms. I will list other resources that can help you become more comfortable with the sex talk below.
Empower Your Child – Let your child ask you any question they might have. You can ask them about how sex is portrayed in the media and how that relates to your values. When topics come up from sex scandals to body shaming, to provocative outfits, let that be a learning moment for them.
Talk about Love & Lust – Share with your kids about the difference between love and lust. How do you love? What does it mean to love someone? How do you show love? What is lust? Help them (and maybe you) understand the difference between love and lust by talking about it.
Share Your Beliefs Talk – About the role that your religious beliefs play in sex. What role does sex play in making families? This is a chance to share and pass down your values to your children.
Become the sexual authority you want to be the one giving the child critical information about their bodies and sex. The more you give them when they have questions, the easier it will be for them to keep coming to you.
Protect Your Kids From Pornography – Insulation
While all the suggestions listed below can help insulate your children within your home. It does not protect them outside of your home. That is why having strong communication must come first before you take the insulation steps.
Have Family Rules For Technology – These rules can induce keeping technology in family areas, no computer, tablet, phones in bedrooms. Have a family iPad that we all use and all see what we have access to. When do you use technology?
Social Media Rules – Only let your kids use social media that you fully know how to use and understand. Make sure they have guidelines as to who they can be friends with and when they can access the accounts. Also, make sure that you have all usernames and passwords and check on what they are up to. Also, ensure that you are also “friends” or connected to their accounts. Last, ensure that their accounts are privet and they do not use tracking items like hashtags.
Practice What You Preach – Don’t look at porn. Your children will find out if you do. If you are trying to teach how to respect sex you must follow your own rules.
Parental Controls – Put in parental controls on all media and within the household. This is a way to limit unintentional exposure. Below is a list of different resources to help you manage your parental controls.
Research and Other Resources
Parental Controls
- Circle with Disney – You can set time limits on apps. Filter content by age (Pre-K, Kid, Teen, and Adult) for each member of your family. Discover Insights by seeing where your kids spend the most time online by app and category.
- Qustodio – Qustodio is a cross-platform tool that can monitor Windows, Apple products, Android, and a few other common household devices with internet access. Qustodio’s multifunctional approach makes it easy to protect and monitor every device in your home from the same platform. The service includes all the most important features, like website filtering and device and internet time limits, and gives you a detailed 30-day activity log.
- Norton Family Premier – If you’re managing a larger household, Norton Family Premier doesn’t limit how many devices you can monitor on one plan, making it a great budget option compared to some of its competitors. (Qustodio charges $137.95/year to protect 15 devices.) But it’s also not without its disadvantages. Savvy teenagers would have no trouble disabling Norton’s web extension, so it’s probably better suited for families with younger kids.
- Luma – Luma bundles its hardware in packs to give you a much larger range for monitoring larger homes. Beyond that, it’s a pretty basic, albeit functional, Wi-Fi monitoring system. Without device-specific monitoring, it wouldn’t be hard for your kids to bypass your parental controls by using cellular data. But if you’re just looking to create a mesh network with your home Wi-Fi, Luma is a solid and relatively simple option.
Books
• Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids – Good Pictures Bad Pictures is a comfortable, read-aloud story about a mom and dad who teach their child what pornography is, why it’s dangerous, and how to reject it. Using easy-to-understand science and simple analogies, this ground-breaking book engages young kids to porn-proof their own brains.
• 30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 3-7: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy using the numerous questions and conversation starters we have provided, you can launch these essential talks with your child and interject your personal thoughts, feelings, and cultural beliefs. Written by parents and reviewed by professionals, the 30 Days of Sex Talks program makes it simple for you and your child to talk about sex in the context to which it belongs; as part of a healthy relationship that also includes joy, laughter and the full range of emotion that defines human intimacy.
• 30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 8-11: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy – Between the ages of eight and 11, children become much more aware of their bodies. Knowledge about how the human body works and how the body changes can empower your child! Remember that having these talks with your child will establish a pattern of healthy conversations for the future. Your goal is that your child will feel comfortable talking to you about anything as he or she grows into the healthy, knowledgeable person he or she will become.
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