The Difference Between Sexual Harassment, Sexual Assault and Sexual Addiction

I am writing this blog post at the start of December 2017, while I normally write blogs early much like this one. I am expressing the date because between the day I write this and its publishing who knows who might be the next person discovered with sexual behavior issues. I use the word “sexual behavior issue” to cover any sexual issues that we are hearing in the media today. At the time of this writing, Matt Lauer is the latest of men to be accused of sexually inappropriate behavior. 

This is a moment in time, where women and men are coming forward to talk about how they have been sexualized, objectified and mistreated by others. While I stand with all victims of harassment and assault. We need to take a look at what the differences between the two of them are. Along with making sure that those who claim “sexual addiction” actually have a sexual addiction and are not scapegoating their problems. 

What is Sexual Harassment?

When my parents met they worked together. My Dad asked my mother out, did that count as sexual harassment? The US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission states  that harassment “can include offensive remarks about a person sex, unwelcome sexual advances, request for sexual favors or physical harassment of a sexual nature.” Sexual harassment is more than just asking someone on a date or complementing them about their appearance. Sexual harassment is the pushing the envelope on sexual suggestions and request for sexual favors.  Telling sex jokes, asking about peoples sex life, and making suggestions about sexual behavior, this all can count towards sexual harassment. 

When this harassment because manifested physical that is when harassment turns to sexual assault. From exposing yourself to others, to masturbating to rape these are all forms of sexual assault. 

What is Sexual Assault?

Sexual assault is any type of sexual activity where one person is forced to engage against their will in a sexual act. This includes displaying genital, physical touching someone without consent, and can include rape. Learn more about sexual assault here. 

Sexual assault can happen when one party is not fully able to give consent. Think of the drunk co-ed or an underage teenager. They do not have the ability to make these decisions for themselves (legally and possibly mental). To learn more about consent watch this video. 

Are these powerful men who are commenting sexual harassment and sexual assault sexual addicts? 

Before we can answer those questions we must understand what sexual addiction is, and how it affects people. 

What is a sexual addiction? 

You can read about sex addiction more here but for the purpose of this article, it is the compulsive behavior to numb unwanted feelings through sexuality. In my experiences working with sex addicts and porn addict, I have found that they seek out sexual behavior with “victimless crimes’ such as prostitution. Patrick Carnes shares in his book Out Of The Shadows that when behavior escalates it can move to sexual assault through behavior such as things like voyeurism and exhibitionism. Most men and women who struggle with sex addiction do not commit sexual harassment or sexual assault. 

To answer this question are these powerful men who are allegedly committing sexual harassment and sexual assault sex addicts? 

Maybe yes or maybe no. Both Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey have checked into the meadows a leading legitimate sex addiction rehab. If these men are sex addicts or not it does not lessen their responsibility for their behavior. 

Anyone who is facing the accusation of sexual harassment and sexual assault might or might not be a sexual addict. They all should seek therapy to see what drives this inappropriate and dangerous behavior. If they fit the definition of sexual addiction or not their behavior should not stand. 

Those with sexual addiction I work with learn to accept their behavior and must learn to make amends for the behavior that hurt other people. They must learn to stop this distractive pattern in their life, and learn to treat all people (women and men) with respect and dignity. 

I continue to hope that our culture will hold all people to a higher stander of not sexualizing and objectifying each other. Also having high standers for what healthy sexuality should be in our culture. I pray and hope that in the wake of these headlines the victims seek out help to process this trauma, and the men who committed this acts can learn, grown and stop. Creating a new generation of men and women stopping this cycle. 

If you are questioning your own behavior and don’t know if you have sexually harassed, assaulted or might even have a sexual addiction seek out a therapist to help you understand these behaviors. You can take the quiz below to see if you have a sex addiction.

If you are ready to start a sex and porn addiction recovery program, you can check out our FREE COURSE – Your First Step.